Lesson 1: Obama is not Jesus. Jesus is not Obama.

This may come as an immense shock for you, America, but you must remain calm:

Barack Obama is not Jesus Christ.

Please let that information sink in. I know that it is stunning. Despite the last 9 months of evidence indicating that Barack is the messiah - media reports, eyewitness testimony, one-on-one interviews - it has been determined that he, in fact, is not Jesus Christ.

I know that it is difficult to believe or understand, so let me present a few facts to help you:

1) Place of Birth

Jesus Christ was born in Bethlehem, Judea.

Barack Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii.

Neither Bethlehem nor Judea are names of hospitals in Hawaii.

2) Year of Birth

Jesus was born 2000 years ago.

Barack Obama was born 47 years ago.

2000 and 47 are not the same number.

3) Parentage

Jesus Christ is the son of God.

Barack Obama is the son of Ann Dunham and Barack Obama, Sr.

God lives in heaven. Ann Dunham and Barack Obama, Sr. lived in Hawaii and did not live in heaven during that time.

4) Spiritual Guidance

The preacher who influenced Jesus's life was John the Baptist.

The preacher who influenced Barack's life was Jeremiah Wright.

Jeremiah Wright is not named John, nor is he a Baptist.

5) Miracles

Raising the Dead

Jesus could raise people from the dead.

Obama could not.

Otherwise, all those dead people Acorn registered would have voted.

Feeding the Multitudes

Jesus fed thousands with only a few fish and loaves of bread.

Obama cannot magically multiply bread or fish, otherwise he would have fed all his supporters with delicious bass.

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With all the televised information supporting your Obama = Jesus belief, it is understandable that you might believe this to be true, for example:

Jesus Christ knows that he is the son of God.

Barack Obama thinks he is a god.

The word Christ has five letters.

The word Obama has five letters.

Jesus was crucified under orders from Pontius Pilate.

Obama has traveled in a plane flown by a pilot.

Jesus preached about turning the other cheek.

Barack Obama has cheeks.

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Once again, in case you are still having trouble:

Barack Obama is not Jesus. Jesus is not Barack Obama.